Rethinking My Philosophy of Children's Ministry

A few years ago I went to a Children's Ministry conference presented by a curriculum company called ReThink. This group of committed ministers had begun to "rethink" the way Christian education and spiritual formation is pursued within our churches. They had some really good stuff. It fit with what I knew. For me, I probably hadn't been in ministry long enough to "rethink" my philosophy of ministry, I was still thinking quite hard on the one that I thought was the best.

Now, a few years later, I can say that I have and will continue to go through the process of "rethinking" what ministry looks like to children. There are several running themes that drive my questions:
1) Why do 8 out of 10 kids drop out of church, most walking away from God altogether, by the time they are 18 years old?
2) Why do I have youth minister and adult minister friends who constantly say they are concerned about the Biblical illiteracy they find in our classooms?
3) And, the follow up to that question, are they trying to say children's ministry isn't doing the job right, either?
4) What should kids know about the Bible, about faith, about God's work in the world, about rightful living, and absolute truth?
5) If spiritual formation occurs when we "practice being a Christian over and over again" as a book I'm reading by Ivy Beckwith suggests, what does that look like in the home, in Bible class, in worship, and in extracurricular activities that we have designed to bring children closer to Christ?

I'm going to keep thinking about these questions. But, I think I'm coming to a few conclusions based on one assumption, each activity that attempts to teach our children to be fully devoted Christians, must have a role in the life of the child.

I recently wrote a response to a couple of chapters in a Beckwith's book, Formational Children's Ministry, for a book club I'm part of in which I was trying to describe the result of this inward struggle.

"As church leaders have worked so hard to make the Bible relevant and to engage and support parents , I think we have blurred the lines of responsibility in the process of spiritual formation, creating a system that produces moral and maybe even spiritual children, but many times, Biblically illiterate children. And, in some cases, I think we are, perhaps unintentionally, still communicating to parents, "we don't trust you to do this yourself".

So, I'm rethinking. I'm rethinking the role of the educational classes at our church and what responsibilities do I as the minister leading their class have to our children. I'm rethinking what I expect our parents to do in their homes, perhaps holding them to even a higher standard, knowing that a majority of the example of Christian living for the child comes from the parents, as well as instruction, accountability and teaching spiritual disciplines. I'm rethinking the role of extra-curricular events in light of the idea that Beckwith presents in her book that spiritual formation occurs when we "practice being Christian over and over again". Perhaps, activities of service and fellowship are a great environment for this "practice" to occur.

More to come ...

I Don't Want To Be A Canaannite

I'm fairly sure the song "I Just Want To Be A Sheep" does not have this verse, "I don't want to be a canaanite ...".

Tonight, River said, "Mommy, I know why the verse says "I don't want to be a Canaanite". It's because Cain killed Able and he must be a knight but we don't want to be that type of knight because he killed his brother". Then she burst out in song.

This is what I get for deciding to read the Bible to my daughter this year. At least she is remembering the stories.

Empty Bag and Baby Hands

What does it mean when my 11 month old digs in my office trash can and chooses the Starbucks pastry bag? Then, with sad little eyes, he shows it to me, empty and tries to tell me about it! I can only imagine him thinking, "Mom, really? You ate it all? No Mom, the 'you'll get it in the breastmilk' excuse is no longer working. I want a real, chocolate chunk cookie!"

Sorry, kid, I ate all the wonderful chocolate chip cookie! All gone. But, I have some great Cheerio's just for you. They are yummy. 

Yeah, I do feel just a little rotten.

UNTIL OUR ASSISTANT AND JANITOR WALK IN AND ASK IF I NEED MY FLOOR VACUUMED.

"No", I say as I roll around my desk.

  And there is Reese, surrounded by cheerio's, with a great big grin that could only mean he was thinking, "Surprise, Mommy, I dumped the cheerio's all over your office floor! The whole bag. Next time, maybe you will share with me after all."

Possessed or Hormones

Ever so often, I think my perfectly fine, sweet, innocent and well behaved daughter has become possessed. They say the hormonal swings of a teenage girl is pretty bad. River is almost 7, so, I can't blame it on teenage hormones. My perfect child, the one that is told she is a "little young lady" and "has great manners" suddenly becomes very fond of the word "no" and other words of disdain.  "No Mommy", "UGGGGHHHH", and "AHHHHHH" all accompanied by body language that other kids might tag a four letter word onto but she doesn't know any so we get grunts. Eye's narrowed, feet stomp, nose in the air, and back to us, she gets her message across, "I don't like not being in control of my life".

Possession happened sometime at school on Wednesday. Not sure what happened at school, I wish I'd asked her teacher because she says she had a great day. But, in Bible class, it got really bad. I teach River's class on Wednesday nights, so, after a few minutes of disrespect, she got to visit her Daddy in the hallway for a time out. Time out then turned into screams at the top of her lungs which sounded like a beating was in progress. It wasn't, of course, but I was just waiting for an elder to come running down the hallway, panicked, afraid someone had lost an arm to child friendly scissors. I'd have to say, "No, really, it's all right, it's just the Children's Minister daughter letting the WHOLE CHURCH know she didn't get her way".

Today is Sunday afternoon and she's spent a good portion of the weekend in time out and other punishments. And even though the revenge of punishment feels good in the midst of disrespect, we have tried as many positive approaches as possible, too. She's spent time with each of us, with her favorite hobby, helping me make things for the church classroom, and watching a movie. What do we get in return? Cave man grunts.

But, hey, this too shall pass, right? In a little while, she'll remember how fun it was to be a good girl, how she got praise, time with parents, and fun activities instead of time out in her room. She just has to check out life on the wild side until she remembers that it is not so wild. Better at 6 than 16. At least she'll know as a teenager that our word is golden.

God built many lessons into this job called parenting, and, this must be one of those lessons. How many times have I read God's word, said a prayer and felt His leading, but still kicked, scream, grunted, and turned my back on Him instead of doing His way? His response doesn't change, He just waits patiently until I get over myself and start relying on Him again. Jesus was His answer to our desire to test the waters and thankfully, He took the punishment for us. But, on parenting days like today, I can't help but think that God gets a little kick out of watching one of His babies teach her parents a lesson about sacrifice, unconditional love, and discipline.

She's napping now. I'm praying that she wakes up sweet River and not her evil twin!

Saturday's and Ministry

Minister friends, I'd like to know how you get to Saturday and find it a true day off? Because for me, it's crunch day. All the things I wanted to do to prepare for classes all week, well, now it's Saturday! They haven't been done so it's time to do it, and, convince my family it's fun to do it with me. I remind myself, if I didn't work in full-time ministry, I'd be teaching class and would only have a Saturday to do all the preparation. So, putting together lessons on a Saturday isn't anything different than how I'd spend my Saturday's if I was a teacher, doctor, or corporate employee. But, there is something to going back to the place I office, worship, and work on my "day off". Maybe, minister friends, you have some ideas?

Scrapbook Night

Mommy Me - can't wait to scrapbook and be away from the kids for just a bit, but, find out after getting to scrapbooking that I'm too tired to scrapbook and think it would be better for me to be in bed. So much for me time.

Minister Me - thinking of all the details that we still need to do to be prepared for Sunday morning, panicked feelings about not hearing from all the teachers, and looking for last minute instructions for crafts in the curriculum with no details. But, oh yeah, I'm going to scrapbooking.

Wife Me - come home. Kids in bed. Husband is HAPPILY playing Mario. How come he isn't this tired?

The Value of Priorities

Last year, I was on bed rest at this time of the year. It was nice. It was quiet (yes that was the last quiet I had). I got lot's done because Jeff and Kevin, our worship and youth ministers, couldn't come sit on my bed like they do my couch in my office. That would be odd.  I knew that I had set myself up for a difficult year. I was going to have a baby, a six year, a ministry, and of course, a husband that needed my attention.  Mom and wife being the first priorities in my life, I knew it would take focus to accomplish anything new and exciting in ministry. And help! Lot's and lot's of help.

So, I set goals. Five in fact. Simple goals of where I was going to spend a majority of my working hours. These were based on our "Love God, Love Others and Serve the World" process of discipleship. They were done knowing that we have some incrediable leaders in our ministry at Kingwood Church of Christ and I should stay out of their way and focus on the ministries that need leadership. After all, God has called us all to minister. So, I resolved to serve the other leaders in ministry at Kingwood and focus my leadership on five items. I don't know if it matters in this post which five I chose.

As I look back on 2009 and I'm wowed by what God has done. By seeking God's will for our ministry, writing down the priorities I believed He had in mind for us, and working towards those for 365 days, I know that God can do immeasuably more than what we can ask or imagine. Best of all, I can look back on 2009 and know, for a fact, that my time and effort made a difference. It's not perfect. We still have work to do. But, things changed! Kids grew in faith. I grew in confidence in my ability to lead effectively. We had some incredible successes!

A long time ago, I heard a sermon by Andy Stanley, I believe, that talked about "keeping margins" in life. In other words, protecting the people God will hold you accountable to by making time and keeping some of the best of yourself for your family. Because, if you are successful as a minister, teacher, lawyer, or hamburger flipper, but your family never sees you and gets the leftovers, it is all for naught. Setting priorities, for me, allowed me to leave margins. It gave me the ability to say "no" when needed. It also gave me the ability to push just a little harder because the importance of an activity had been identified and had significance.

This year, I will again evaluate my priorities for my career with the liaison elders that have been so great to encourage and support the children's ministry and me personally. I am also thinking about priorities for my family, such as maybe actually taking a vacation this year and reading the whole Bible with River this year. Soon, those will be written down, and I'll live by them, because at the end of 2010, I will be able to look at those and know exactly how God has used me for His purpose.